Desirae Deegan Cohoes, New York New York

When your best friend, becomes your homewrecker, it’s not just a major violation of the ‘girl code’, but one of the worst things your heart can handle. || Back in 2011, I was diagnosed with a rare brain disorder that caused me to lose majority of my vision, and left me spending too much time in the hospital. For the most part, my husband was such an amazing support group all on his own. He would spend time with me in the hospital, take care of me and our son when at home, and still work full time. Fast forward to 2013 and I just had given birth to our beautiful daughter. We were in the clouds, we were so happy, but unfortunately, it caused my health to deteriorate. Not only was I back in the hospital with debilitating headaches, but I also suffered from an awful case of post-partum depression. I spent majority of my time in bed, sleeping or crying, and didn’t know how to handle life as I knew it anymore. In my heart, I knew I was destroying our family and ult

When your best friend, becomes your homewrecker, it’s not just a major violation of the ‘girl code’, but one of the worst things your heart can handle. || Back in 2011, I was diagnosed with a rare brain disorder that caused me to lose majority of my vision, and left me spending too much time in the hospital. For the most part, my husband was such an amazing support group all on his own. He would spend time with me in the hospital, take care of me and our son when at home, and still work full time. Fast forward to 2013 and I just had given birth to our beautiful daughter. We were in the clouds, we were so happy, but unfortunately, it caused my health to deteriorate. Not only was I back in the hospital with debilitating headaches, but I also suffered from an awful case of post-partum depression. I spent majority of my time in bed, sleeping or crying, and didn’t know how to handle life as I knew it anymore. In my heart, I knew I was destroying our family and ultimately pushing my husband away, but I had no idea how to make it better, as I felt so low. || My husband and I started arguing more, he threatened to leave quite a few times, and at that rate, I just didn’t care. In August, I tried to get better. I finally admitted I had a problem and met with my doctor to discuss antidepressants and I began seeking therapy to help get me back to where I was mentally and emotionally. What I hadn’t realized was once I made the decision to take control of my life again, my husband had made the decision our marriage of 7 years was over. I soon found out that he had started hiding money, was reaching out to his friends and family to work out a game plan to not only leave me but to take the kids as well (since I was always so sick, I wouldn’t have been able to take care of them on my own without help, so he says) and had also begun ‘talking’ to and sending inappropriate pictures to…my BEST FRIEND. They were meeting up behind my back, and spending time together while I was in the hospital for a week. Not long after they began having this relationship, I caught on that something wasn’t right and logged onto his Facebook. I didn’t find much but a conversation he was having with a friend where he admitted he met someone who would accept him and all his baggage. I confronted him about it (from the hospital) and he tried to convince me that I had misinterpreted what he had said and swore up and down he was remaining faithful. I never once believed him and continued to do some digging around. All this time I had this gut feeling I knew who it was, and tried to ask him a million times to just give me a name (At this point he finally admitted he was talking to someone but since I was showing improvement had ended things). There was a night, where I calmly gave him an ultimatum. End things with whoever he was speaking with and focus 100% on trying to salvage our marriage, or pack his things and leave. He swore to end things with this other person. || For the next week, he tried harder, as did I, and I really thought we were going to work things out, but something was still nagging at me that it was too good to be true. I logged onto our cell phone records and it was like a light bulb went off above my head. Not only had he lied about ending things with her, he had called and accepted her calls during that week while he was at work. I also found they had been talking to each other since mid-August and that it was all hours of the night while he was lying next to me in bed, early mornings when he told me ‘Don’t worry babe, I’ll take care of the kids, you get some rest’. Later on, I found out he was meeting up with her while he was going on a bike ride, or meeting her at the park we take our children to etc. While all of this was going on, I was unknowingly confiding in HER how unhappy we were, and how awful he was being to me emotionally, and how much of a douchebag he was being. I had no idea SHE was the homewrecker! She was the typical supportive bestie, telling me that I deserve better, and that I needed to put my foot down, and how it broke her heart to see how he treated me, that no one deserved to be treated so poorly especially when they are so ill. She claimed to be disgusted by him. Seeing those phone records made everything fall into place, and I was absolutely devastated! Not only to know this man that I love with everything in me, after having 2 beautiful children together, and thinking he was being faithful all this time, was trying to sleep with someone I looked to as a sister and considered my best friend. He was at work when I found out, so I blocked him from contacting her, and called him. I calmly told him that I knew who it was, and that he had the rest of his shift to figure out what he wanted. He could come home and we could sit down and be brutally honest with each other and see if there’s anything we could do to save this, or he could pack his things tonight, and walk away. I didn’t give him time to respond, I just hung up and I called her. Her boyfriend answered the phone and claimed she was sleeping. I told him everything I had found, and even when he didn’t believe me, I told him how she was sleeping with one of her married coworkers when she worked an overnight shift (guess I should’ve seen it coming, huh?) He was infuriated and made me out to be the bad guy, that she would never be unfaithful to him and especially with someone like my husband. I just told him to have her call me so I could ultimately end the friendship but to also ask her WHY. Why my husband? Someone that she knew had been physically abusive in the past, someone who had such a huge temper and short fuse. Why would she try to ruin my marriage, which would ultimately hurt my children that she claimed to love so much? Let’s just say she didn’t have much to say other than cry, apologize and begged me to forgive her. Oh no, darling, that’s not how this works! I promised through thick and thin, better or worse to him, never once to her. That night, my husband came home from work and looked terrified. I was calm and asked if he had made a decision, he said he had. He wanted to stay with me, and he asked that I forgive him for what he had done. He explained everything, told me they never slept together but did mess around once. For the first time in 7 years, he broke down into tears and he sobbed with his head in my lap. He told me childhood stories I had never heard before, explained how he watched his father (a Navy man, nonetheless) cheat on his mother when things got tough. He looked me in the eyes, stared into my soul, and he promised (which he NEVER makes promises) to change. He promised to renew our vows and to give me the wedding we never had, to stay by my side no matter how difficult things turned out to be, and to finally break down the emotional wall he had put up for his entire adult life, not only just with me but with anyone he knew. || I don’t know what there was to believe anymore, but from the way he finally exposed his emotions and the way he sobbed for hours, I felt like this could be the pivotal moment in our marriage that we needed. We sat there and talked well into the morning, for hours and hours. He admitted he felt he didn’t deserve love, because everyone he loved in his life walked away from him (which is very true) I told him we could work it out, but he had to make good on his promises and change. It was a really rough few weeks after that, but it was the best thing that could’ve happened in our marriage. He is a completely different man from the way he used to be. He’s gone back to the man I originally fell in love with. He’s so kind, and understanding, and appreciative of the little things now. We finally ‘clicked’ after all these years, and we haven’t had a single argument since that night, in fact we can now talk about something, no matter how difficult without even getting irritated. He leaves his phone around for me to search through if I need to, I have all of his passwords to his accounts and he calls me randomly from work just to tell me he loves me. As heartbroken as I was when I found out, I now know that we can make it through anything and everything. || As for her, she has begged for forgiveness, is supposedly working things out in her own relationship, and even went as far as asking if we could still be friends on Facebook so she can keep up with my kids. It makes me laugh to think that she is so naive to how much betrayal she has put me through, and still to this day tries to get back the friendship she destroyed. Never again. I feel so bad for her; she will most likely continue to sleep with married men and never be able to be faithful. As for my husband and I, we have managed to make the best out of the worst, and I am so thankful for where we are today. I could’ve given up, I could’ve kicked him out and divorced him, and never once attempted to make it work, but if I had done that, I would never have known how great our love and marriage could be. || People may judge me for giving him another chance, but those people don’t matter. No one can understand the connection his infidelity has given us, and how much stronger it has made us. That’s what truly matters. || || >

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